Graphics

So I went on a field trip today.
I actually found it generally interesting, even though it was just a guy talking the entire time.
I think its because I take an interest in machines like the ones I saw, and I would love to work with them one day.
It also made me think about what I want to do for my future.
I would like to go into Graphic Design, but the man suggested that we take a second field as a sort of back-up plan. What he said made sense though, because it meant that I would be able to provide more for the company if I did. I think I might go into either some sort of journalism, management, or engineering... I don't know. The future just looks so dim for me.


I'm not really sure what to say... basically because I don't really get it anymore.
I think I've kind of given up on everything, or maybe I'm just avoiding the situation.
For me, "the group" are the dumbshit freshmen and sophomores that I had to give my seat up to make happy.
And you know just as well as I do that they are drama loving females that had no where else to go.
I don't really know if people like me or not, but I honestly don't feel like they do.
I've felt like that since the end of freshman year. At that point I sort of decided "Hey, I'm going to find out where I fit in instead of torturing myself."
Because of the things that happened in the past, I no longer feel accepted into that group. I always feel awkward being around them. Kind of like everything I say or do is automatically ridiculed because I don't think the same way they do.

And you know what? I said that because that's the way I feel.
All I do during lunch is freeze my ass off, text, draw, and sometimes talk to Kayley.
I can't decide if I like it or not... I would rather be with my friends, and when it comes time for it to snow I don't know where I'm going to go.

At this point, I would love for things to be fixed.
I tried my best at doing so by keeping quiet and stop asking you to hang out because I just feel like I forced you to.
I decided it was time I let you do whatever it is you wanted to do.
I decided that I needed to accept the fact you're dating Jake.
Even though I don't like him, and even though I don't like the whole idea of it.
I still decided it because I wanted you to be happy, and you seemed fine with that whole ordeal even though I felt left out and neglected.
I don't want to give up, but I don't feel like either of us are putting forth enough effort to actually fix things.
I think the main factor to that is because neither of us are considering each other's feelings when it comes to this.
I don't really know what to do, other than continue to wait.
I won't give up, but I'm not going to force you to do something.
I don't like feeling like crying every day either.
I don't like driving past somewhere and me thinking about you and I and having to hold back tears.
For all I know, you'll probably think this is all excuses by /shrugs I don't really know.