Sunday, April 24, 2011

Dear You

I'm to the point, where me knowing you for nine years is completely out of the question.
Sure, I do all this shit for you.
I buy you crap.
I help you when you need it.
I don't bitch when you need to.
But this needs to end.

I swear to fucking god.
I hate your guts.
I can't stand to be around you for two FUCKING seconds because the only thing you ever seem to care, or talk about, is either yourself, kpop, or yourself.
And no, that wasn't an accident.
The only person in the world you find to be of ANY meaning is yourself
and those kpop idols you wouldn't meet in a million fucking years.

At least you admit that you're spoiled.
But you forgot a few other words in that phrase.

You're a spoiled rotten, narcissistic, egotistical, over dramatic, immature little bitch.

And you'll want to say I'm the same.

Oh sorry
I FORGOT that I hardly have both my parents in my lives.
At least your father doesn't throw a fucking FIT over the smallest god damn things.
At least I wouldn't blame him for it. Its not his fault he bashed half his FUCKING skull in.
But did you have the common decency to maybe do something to  help me in this situation?
NO.
You just said I'm sorry, and then mocked me about it a month later.

Oh sorry
I ALSO forgot that I  have to practically BEG my parents to buy me pretty much ANYTHING anymore
Because I have a fucking jobs so I can buy shit like drawing tablets
which, by the way, I would actually use.
You have no reason to own one. You never have.
I can't even remember the last time you bothered to pick up that digital slr
But god, if I'm upset about the fact that I can't have either
or use either
Then I'm suddenly irrational

How about for once in your pathetic little life you consider someone else?
You know, its really not that god damned hard.

I can't believe you would EVER say the shit you do to me
and then when I get angry
YOU TURN AROUND
AND SAY THAT I'M THE ONE
WHO TREATS YOU LIKE SHIT

What the FUCK is wrong with you?
Obviously, you need to go see another FUCKING therapist.
I don't GIVE A SHIT
if ANYTHING I do makes you uncomfortable

OH SORRY
DID I DROP THE EFF BOMB IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER?
WOW. IR EALLY COULD GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE SINCE SHE DIDN'T SAY SOMETHING, SHE OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T.
IF ITS MAKING YOU NERVOUS, PLEASE, ALLOW ME TO DO IT AGAIN.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK


Oh sure
Sorry
I'M BEING IMMATURE
I'M BEING OVER DRAMATIC

I'M SORRY FOR BEING INSULTED OVER THE FACT
YOU CALLED ME
A FUCKING
HOBO
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T TAKE YOU TO TACO BELL BECAUSE I LITERALLY
LITERALLY
DID NOT HAVE A CAR
OR A HOUSE
OR ANY FUCKING MONEY
BECAUSE MY DAD STOLE THE CAR KEYS
TOOK ALL THE MONEY
AND KICKED MY MOM AND I OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE FOR TWO DAYS



I have NEVER been so INFURIATED by someone in my entire FUCKING LIFE

You expect ME to be YOUR bestfriend and you say that TO ME.
You ask me what I have to be stressed about
I dare you to spend one day in my fucking shoes
Lets see how long you last without parents
Lets see how long you would last without EVERY SINGLE THING YOU WANT

And why do you get it?
Because you make your mom feel sorry for you UNTIL she buys it for you.
And if that doesn't work, you lie to her.
And she probably thinks you're the most precious thing in the god damned world.
Well apparently she doesn't pay attention to you as much as you think you do.

God DAMNIT.
I'm so fucking DONE WITH YOU.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

okay

I'm finding everything becoming more and more unbearable as the the days go by.
I feel like I keep saying this but the more I have to deal with this crap, the more strongly I feel this.
I wasn't even able to go home for two days because of my dad.

I mean, literally. He took the car keys and transferred every penny to a bank account my mom can't access.

So we had no car, house or money.

I told one friend and she proceeded to call me a hobo.

I think the only one who really bothered talking to me about it was Kou, from Virginia.


Work on Friday was slow so my friend and I were cut early.

I have to work tomorrow for Sunday brunch.
We have reservations for over 200 people -__-


Friday night sucked as soon as I got home.

I just really don't know how to handle myself right now.

I was so excited for Acen, but everytime I find myself getting excited for it someone backs down or something.

And its not even that.

It just doesn't seem like anything is going right.

And I seriously think the entire world is against me.

I haven't felt like talking to either of my best friends all day.

For... Various reasons I will not repeat here.

I'll get in trouble. :|

Or whatever.

I feel like sleeping for the rest of my natural born life.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

No homo

Amber-Rose: to Michaela:
No homo
        
Michaela:   NO
Amber-Rose: HOMO
Michaela:   LOL
Amber-Rose: C:
Michaela:   ‎>: U
Amber-Rose: C:
Michaela:   Creeper
Michaela:   nohomo
Amber-Rose: Michaela commented on my wall post no homo
Michaela:   Amber left me a wall post, no homo
Amber-Rose: Michaela said my name no homo
Michaela:   Amber said my name, no homo >: |
Amber-Rose: Michaela was born nohomo jkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjk <3333333
Michaela:   WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO THAT
Michaela:   HUH
Michaela:   HUH
Michaela:   HUH
Michaela:   HUHU
Michaela:   AV LKSAFMN
Michaela:   no homo
Amber-Rose: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Amber-Rose: LOLOLOLOLO
Amber-Rose: OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLO
Amber-Rose: OLOLOL
Amber-Rose: OLOLO
Amber-Rose: LOLO
Amber-Rose: LOL
Amber-Rose: NOHOMO
Amber-Rose: LO
Michaela:   ‎*SCREAMS*
Michaela:   trololololololol
Amber-Rose: no homo
Michaela:   Chimney
Amber-Rose: PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTCHIMERASPENIS
Michaela:   AMBER SAID PENIS
Michaela:   NO HOMO
Michaela:   even better
Michaela:   chimeras penis
Michaela:   no homo
Amber-Rose: no homo
Amber-Rose: HURDUR
Amber-Rose: nohomo
Amber-Rose: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Michaela:   STOP DISTRACTING ME FROM MY HOMEWORK
Michaela:   NO HOMO
Amber-Rose: nyannyannininininininininininininonhomonyanyannininininininyannininininnaynaynaynninininii
Michaela:   omfg no
Amber-Rose: do your homowork u homo
Michaela:   nyan cat
Michaela:   no homo
Michaela:   okay xd
Michaela:   xD
Michaela:   tits
Amber-Rose: michaela said tits no homo
Amber-Rose: okay srsly go du ur homowork
Michaela:   LOL okay okay enough of this faggotry
Amber-Rose: michaela said faggotry no homo
Amber-Rose: NO JK DO YOUR HOMEWORK LOL
Amber-Rose: thatssohomoerotic
Michaela:   LOLSHUTUP
Amber-Rose: ♥
Michaela:   Your homoerotic
Michaela:   no homo
Michaela:   erotic
Michaela:   okay
Amber-Rose: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ nohomo♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Michaela:   homowork
Michaela:   LOL HOMOWORK
Amber-Rose: ‎69thcommentnohomo
Michaela:   LOL AMBER SAID 69 NO HOMO
Michaela:   okay seriosuly
Michaela:   ‎...
Michaela:   spelling, no homo
Michaela:   okay
Michaela:   homework
Michaela:   go away ♥
Amber-Rose: BUT I LOVE YOU >33
Amber-Rose: <33* >>; okay I'm done i promis
Amber-Rose: e
Michaela:   lolol
Amber-Rose: Nowai I will get the last laugh see HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Amber-Rose: Don't you dare comment or I will get you
Amber-Rose: withmy 8=D
Michaela:   LOLNOSHUTUP
Michaela:   HA
Michaela:   HAH
Michaela:   HAAJXNKAJSKJCHKASKJ
Amber-Rose: BUTT.HOLE.
Amber-Rose: HAHAHA
Amber-Rose: AHAHAH
Amber-Rose: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHPENISHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAJH
Michaela:   Amber said butthole no homo
Amber-Rose: why are we so vulgar
Amber-Rose: ha
Amber-Rose: hahahah
Amber-Rose: ahashashahahhahasdjsdfjkhjsdf;gkdjfhgkjdfhgksdfjghdf
Michaela:   Cause your a homo
Michaela:   no homo
Michaela:   okay
Amber-Rose: no u
Amber-Rose: no
Amber-Rose: u
Amber-Rose: butthole
Amber-Rose: u
Michaela:   seriosly shut up x
Amber-Rose: hoel
Amber-Rose: no
Michaela:   xD*
Amber-Rose: no homo
Amber-Rose: y
Amber-Rose: u
Amber-Rose: no
Amber-Rose: u
Amber-Rose: ha <- last laugh
Michaela:   D: <
Michaela:   s my d
Amber-Rose: okay
Amber-Rose: present it
Michaela:   ‎119th comment
Amber-Rose: oh my god why are we so homo
Amber-Rose: stop posting
Amber-Rose: butthole
Amber-Rose: ha
Michaela:   in 5 minutes we have made 120 comm-- 125 comments
Michaela:   SHUT UP
Amber-Rose: hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho
Amber-Rose: mo
Michaela:   LOL
Amber-Rose: no
Michaela:   DGI YOU WIN
Amber-Rose: no
Amber-Rose: no
Amber-Rose: no
Amber-Rose: on
Amber-Rose: non
Amber-Rose: homo
Amber-Rose: ha
Amber-Rose: okay now I win
Amber-Rose: ha
Amber-Rose: gdi*
Michaela:   ‎..DAMN GOD IT
Michaela:   gdi
Michaela:   shut up x
Michaela:   xD
Michaela:   TITS
Michaela:   okay shut up
Amber-Rose: no homo
Michaela:   go away
Michaela:   no homo
Amber-Rose: stop talking
Amber-Rose: dude
Michaela:   ‎>_>
Amber-Rose: llolol
Michaela:   D: <
Amber-Rose: do your homowork
Amber-Rose: WHATEVER MOM ITS LIKE 2009
Michaela:   IM TRYING
Michaela:   NO HOMO
Amber-Rose: lsp reference no homo
Amber-Rose: DUDE I WANT THE LAST LAUGH YOU BITCH TART
Michaela:   read that as fart
Michaela:   OKAY IM DONE
Amber-Rose: this isn't over until the fat lady sings
Amber-Rose: ‎*sings
Amber-Rose: okay its over
Amber-Rose: ‎*
Michaela:   ‎...
Amber-Rose: the fat lady has sung
Michaela:   IM NO
Amber-Rose: homo
Amber-Rose: http://tinyurl.com/3m4z33t

Monday, April 11, 2011

I just can't.

I seriously can't.
I feel like crying and screaming and throwing everything because I'm so... I don't know.
I'm just annoyed with everyone, even my best friend whom I thought I never thought I would be angry with.
I'm just... I think its a mixture of stress, and exhaustion, and PMS, and... idk.
I just... I can't even.
I want to be hostile, but I don't because I feel like she's the only one I have left anymore.
I trust her, and she trusts me... at least I think she does...

My motives are stupid. Everything is. I'm just stupid.
I feel like I'm going crazy right now and I can't handle it.
I feel stupid as shit because my friend is upstairs sleeping while I sit here crying over fucking nothing.
I feel terrible because I'm getting mad over the stupidest shit.
But I guess I always have, right?
That makes me the shitty friend I am. The sad part is that I don't think my best friend even realized what kinda of shitty person I am in real life. She probably doesn't realize the shit she's in store for come May.

I'll probably be fighting with my other best friend, because I can feel it coming but I really really really really really really don't want to.
Just so many things have been bothering me but I'm too scared to say anything.
I don't think my opinion matters anyway. I figured that out near the end of the school year when I lost it all.
I still haven't gotten it back and I probably never will.

I'm so scared.
Just... I can't admit it unless it's hear.
Its weird because I'm totally spilling my guts to an audience of people I don't even know or probably don't even care about me.
To them, I 'm just another whine-y bitch on the internet. I don't blame them either.
Thats all I ever do
Whine
Complain
Bitch
Be there when I'm not wanted
God, that's all my entire life has been.

Especially lately.
All I have to do is bitch about work and school and how much my home situation sucks ass.
And right now, my shitty internet connection that I only really want right now to sit here and write this stupid blog entry that a grand total of one, maybe two, people would read.

Was it worth it? No. Because someone's going to mad at me. They always do.
I can't say the right thing. I never have been able to. That's a fact of life.
Because I'm a bitch.
I'm an ignorant bitch who only cares about herself.
Thats the way it has been and thats the only way it will ever be.

I feel like exploding.
I feel like ending it all.
I really do.
Save everyone else the suffering I cause them.
Because I know she's probably upset
or feels guilty
but I feel like shit because I made her feel like crap because I'm stupid
because she got sick, it's not her fault.
But I'm upset anyway.

I know I'm upset because I didn't get my way
because thats all I ever want
because all I want is MY WAY and if I don't get it
I turn into the ignorant bitch I always am

because when the only things I ever HAVE anymore are taken away from me
Like Acen with my two best friends.
But thats probably not happening now for whatever reason.
becayseadfhkdgfd
I can't.
I just can't.
I don't want to do this anymore.