The Tablet is my Best Friend

oh yah bb
This is mine
You take it, I'll kill you in your sleep.
I'm seriously buying a tablet ._.

I also did:

and

once again, they're all mine.

Graphics

So I went on a field trip today.
I actually found it generally interesting, even though it was just a guy talking the entire time.
I think its because I take an interest in machines like the ones I saw, and I would love to work with them one day.
It also made me think about what I want to do for my future.
I would like to go into Graphic Design, but the man suggested that we take a second field as a sort of back-up plan. What he said made sense though, because it meant that I would be able to provide more for the company if I did. I think I might go into either some sort of journalism, management, or engineering... I don't know. The future just looks so dim for me.


I'm not really sure what to say... basically because I don't really get it anymore.
I think I've kind of given up on everything, or maybe I'm just avoiding the situation.
For me, "the group" are the dumbshit freshmen and sophomores that I had to give my seat up to make happy.
And you know just as well as I do that they are drama loving females that had no where else to go.
I don't really know if people like me or not, but I honestly don't feel like they do.
I've felt like that since the end of freshman year. At that point I sort of decided "Hey, I'm going to find out where I fit in instead of torturing myself."
Because of the things that happened in the past, I no longer feel accepted into that group. I always feel awkward being around them. Kind of like everything I say or do is automatically ridiculed because I don't think the same way they do.

And you know what? I said that because that's the way I feel.
All I do during lunch is freeze my ass off, text, draw, and sometimes talk to Kayley.
I can't decide if I like it or not... I would rather be with my friends, and when it comes time for it to snow I don't know where I'm going to go.

At this point, I would love for things to be fixed.
I tried my best at doing so by keeping quiet and stop asking you to hang out because I just feel like I forced you to.
I decided it was time I let you do whatever it is you wanted to do.
I decided that I needed to accept the fact you're dating Jake.
Even though I don't like him, and even though I don't like the whole idea of it.
I still decided it because I wanted you to be happy, and you seemed fine with that whole ordeal even though I felt left out and neglected.
I don't want to give up, but I don't feel like either of us are putting forth enough effort to actually fix things.
I think the main factor to that is because neither of us are considering each other's feelings when it comes to this.
I don't really know what to do, other than continue to wait.
I won't give up, but I'm not going to force you to do something.
I don't like feeling like crying every day either.
I don't like driving past somewhere and me thinking about you and I and having to hold back tears.
For all I know, you'll probably think this is all excuses by /shrugs I don't really know.

Uhg.

I feel like I've been using this title a lot... I think its cause thats how I feel lately.
I just got into it with another friend, and to be honest... I don't care.
And quite frankly, I don't think they care much either SOOO I'll just drop them all like flies and go.. Idek freeze to death, since I do everyday anyway.

My bus is the anti christ.
Walking for Wellness isn't that bad. Thats where the rainbow raptors came from.
Lunch is fucking torture. I CAN'T WAIT TILL IT SNOWS CAUSE I'LL GET TO SIT IN THAT <3 :|

Work is lame. I'm fuckin' tired and I have to leave in /checksinvisowatch fifteen minutes.
I want to go to bed, like... now. I get zero sleep lately and I don't know why.
Oh well who cares. Its only a matter of time~

Well, one good thing I can say is that my dad is home, but I think that stresses me out too. Though, its nice to see him home again.

Fucking. Mondays.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I'm so pissed of right now its not even funny.
I curbed my car three times and got lost on the way to and from the mall because my friends don't know how to tell me where to turn.

Then, I get home (finally) and my coffee spilled all over the hood of my fucking car. I threw it against the garage because I didn't want to do it anymore.
Please, fucking kill me.
You'd be doing me, and everyone else, a humongous favor.

Confrimed Gay/Bisexual Jrocker List

http://tanukiwww.livejournal.com/8466.html

Oh yeah, its happenin'.

Original Characters

Click

If you feel like it
Though I don't know anyone who would really taken an interest in it e_e

THIS.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: Taemin?

Stranger: what?

You: Taemin?! :C

Stranger: NO

Stranger: NO Taemin

You: N-No? But why?

Stranger: i dont know what the hell taemin is

You: You took him, didn't you.

You: You will pay. I will sick Onew on you like there was no tomorrow.

You: You will regret everything.

Stranger: Nah

You: Yes.

You: HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY TAEMIN AWAY FROM ME

Stranger: ITS MY TAEMIN

Stranger: SO STFU

You: NO GIVE HIM BACK

You: DON'T MAKE ME GET ONEW

Stranger: ILL TAKE ONEW TOO

You: NO

You: HE NEEDS HIS CHICKEN!!!

Stranger: WELL HE CANT HAVE ANY

You: YOU CAN'T DEPRIVE HIM OF HIS CHICKEN

You: WHAT KIND OF SICK PERSON ARE YOU

Stranger: SOME PERSON WHO DOESNT LIKE CHICKEN

You: YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON

Stranger: NO

Stranger: YOUR A HORRIBLE PERSON

Stranger: TRYING TO TAKE MY ONEW

You: THEN... THEN I'LL GET KEY. HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYTHING.

You: NO. MINE.

Stranger: MINEEEE

You: MINE

Stranger: NO

You: YES

Stranger: FUCK NO

Stranger: MINE

You: FUCK YES

You: MINE

Stranger: NO CHICKEN EITHER

You: MINE MINE MINE

You: NO SCREW YOU

You: GIVE ONEW HIS CHICKEN

Stranger: ONEW DONT GET NO CHICKEN

Stranger: HE ONLY GETS CELERY

You: NO HE GETS ALL THE CHICKEN HE WANTS

You: HE WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT

You: HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO HIM

Stranger: CELERYYYYYYYYYYY

You: CHICKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

Stranger: TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

You: DDDDDDDDD:<

Stranger: KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!!

You: ONEW'S CHICKEN

Stranger: ONEWS CHICKEN SUCKS

You: ONEWS CHICKEN IS BEAUTIFUL

You: THEN HE EATS IT

Stranger: OMG

Stranger: HOW CAN YOU EAT BEAUTIFUL CHICKEN

Stranger: YOU MONSTER!

You: HE CAN EAT IT BECAUSE HIS SMILE IS MORE BEAUTIFUL

Stranger: HIS SMILE IS ALL SNAGGLETOOTHES

You: SO HE CAN EAT BEAUTIFUL CHICKEN WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL TEETH

You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH NO YOU LIAR

Stranger: SNAGGLE

You: BEAUTIFUL

Stranger: SNAGGLETOOTH

You: B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

Stranger: S

Stranger: N

Stranger: A

Stranger: G

Stranger: G

Stranger: L

Stranger: E

Stranger: T

Stranger: O

Stranger: O

Stranger: T

Stranger: H

You: B

You: E

You: A

You: U

You: T

You: I

You: F

You: U

You: L

Stranger: UGLY AS HELL

You: CHICKEEEEEEEEEEEEN

You: NO

Stranger: CELERY

You: CHICKEN

Stranger: CELERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

You: CHICKEN

Stranger: NO

You: YES

Stranger: FUCK NO

You: FUCK YES

Stranger: I CHOOSE PIKACHU

You: I CHOOSE LADY GAGA

Stranger: I CHOOSE MICHAEL JACKSON

You: LADY GAGA USED STRADDLE

Stranger: ITS INEFFECTIVE

You: MICHAEL JACKSONS SPEED DECREASED

Stranger: FUCK NO

You: FUCK YES

You: LADY GAGA USED POKER FACE

Stranger: MICHAEL JACKSON USED MOLEST

You: ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE

Stranger: ALSO FUCK NO

Stranger: BULLSHIT

You: ALSO FUCK YES

You: HOW DID THIS TURN INTO A POKEMON BATTLE

Stranger: BECAUSE I FUCKING WANTED IT TO

You: YOU MONSTER D:<

Stranger: YOU USED FUCKING LADY GAGA

You: BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME

You: SHES BETTER THAN MICHAEL JACKSON AND PIKACHU COMBIIIIIIIIIIINED

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

This weekend...

I had a four day weekend. It kind of turned into a five because for some reason I was just plain exhausted.
Thursday was pretty chill.
Friday was when things got complicated. My sister and I cleaned for a good five or six hours. When everyone else went to bed, I cleaned for another three.
I was tired, but it made my mom happy.
Saturday was the day of my dad's fundraiser. I went to go get my driver license, which took me two tries. I did it once Friday morning but I really wasn't in the mood to do it so I kind of half-assed everything.
Then we ended up going to the fundraiser. It was okay. I secluded myself from everyone except for a select few. I only had one friend show up out of the five or six I invited. Then again, I'm not surprised. Two of them apologized, but the rest just ignored my existence. What else is new?
So I drove home around seven, even though I was only there for about three hours. There were about 200 people, and I hardly knew any of them. I just couldn't deal with it, so I left.
My friend came over since this was the last weekend I could have them over anymore. We ate some Kringle and java chip icecream, then went on omegle.
I didn't find it as entertaining as them because I really hate being on camera. We did run into a few decent people to talk to but most just wanted to jack off into the camera.
I went to be around 1 am. I didn't get much sleep since everyone else was screaming in the other room.
Sunday, I woke up at eight, took a shower, and drove to work.
It sucked. At least Allisan made me an omelet... it made me feel a little better.
Sunday though, my dad came home for a few hours. It was nice seeing him in  his home again, and he was really happy. The first thing he said to my mom was "Honey, I'm home."
He's coming home permanently on the twelfth.
I didn't even wake up Monday. Mainly from exhaustion and over all loss of motivation. I don't really have a reason to go to school anymore.
With all the events that have happened in the last few months, I just don't want to do anything anymore.
Everyday for me is a struggle and I have to force myself to get through it.
I wish I could move to Virginia or something. Then I might truly be happy.

Huff.

Its not sneaking around.
Whatever it is, you shouldn't have to do it.
I didn't know how to word it.
You haven't done anything wrong.
I'm tired of having to do this over and over again too, that's why I've been changing myself. So we don't have to deal with this anymore.
My real reason for hating him...
And they are pretty consistent. I have the same reasons.
His suicidal whatever, the lying, the obsession... etc. I don't remember if I ever told you, but suicide isn't something I like discussing or hearing about. Someone that was rather close to me did it, and I don't need that threat again.
I had a feeling this would happen since the day he told me he liked you.
Remember when you went through my bookshelves and took out that journal?
Remember me taking it and ripping out three or four pages?
They were from the day he told me that.
I was upset because I knew you would fall for whatever it was he was doing.
If you don't believe me, I still have them.

I don't see how you can't talk about this.
Its not wrong.
I'll give you your time.
When you're ready or whatever then say something.
I'm always willing, and I'm sure I've said that a few times.

Again

Yeah, so I tell people I don't like him.
End of the world, right?
Thats about it.
They ask why, I tell them.
There isn't anything wrong with that.
I've done everything I can to try and ignore the things that bother me.
For the past few months, I've been able to do that.
Jenny does it to piss me off.
Laren and I talk about you, but she makes the jokes when I try to be serious.
I need an outlet too.
Laren doesn't like him.
I don't like him.
What her and I say to each other has nothing to do with Jenny.
Last time I checked, I've said that to two people recently.
Terri and Rachel.
They like him, so what? I told Terri I couldn't talk to her about why and I told Rachel I didn't like him because of what has happened.
That was all.
And yes, I am at my breaking point.
You didn't make your point clear. You didn't listen to what I had to say.
You told me you were sick of me and I hope you're aware of how much that hurts coming from someone who's supposed to be your best friend.

You have changed. And you know what? I can honestly blame myself for that.
I have changed. And I can blame that on as many people as I feel like.
I've become a bitch.
I've been a bitch.
I've become a border line sociopath because I don't want to deal with the type of people I used to. The drama was waaay too much.
I've caused drama, and I admit that. I've been trying to.. fix it isn't the right word. I don't want to do it anymore. I thought that would have been obvious.
I wanted to talk to you about these things, but the longer I wait the better I feel because I think "Well maybe if I don't say anything, we don't have to worry about it anymore."
I guess its my way of running away but I can't really blame myself.

And you sneaking around or however you want to put it...
Sure whatever go hang out with him. I've gotten to the point I really don't care, but it would be nice if I could take more than lunch to talk to you or more than one day out of several months to see you. The last time was Dir En Grey, before that, Despa.
Basically all thats happening is you've hung out with me when other people are around.
So yes, it is confusing.
Because I don't understand how exactly I'm the one who doesn't want you in my life if you can't make one day to stop and say hi or talk to me about something... like... I dunno Oz? To be honest, if you could just do that for once I would be the happiest person alive.

Over the past few months I've done a little introspection and decided half the time I'm making your life a living hell, and I apologize for that.
I wanted to fix things, pretend things don't bother me, and I've gotten to the point that I feel completely numb to the things that used to annoy the shit out of me.
I don't care if you hang out with him
I don't care if you cling to each other all around school while I walk to class alone
I don't care if you talk about him
or love him
or whatever else it is you two do together

I don't care anymore.
I don't think you've been able to... I dunno, pick that up.
If you want to talk about something, then just do it.
If I get mad, thats my own fault. I'll get over it.
If this is how we have to work things out, then fine. We'll do it.
Honestly, I like this because I can get things off my chest but... I don't know.
You said we needed to talk in person. Thats up to you now. I don't care if we do this here or there or anywhere... As long as things are discussed.

Hm.

I didn't know me talking to my mom about what it going on between me and my friends was classified as "talking behind your back"

Just to let you know, I give my shitty sister a hard time no matter who she hangs out with.
You
Him
Janelle
Erin
Alec
CJ
Shanna
Everyone.

So don't feel like you're being singled out because honestly, you're seriously overreacting.
One god damn comment won't kill you. Seriously.
And since you wouldn't let me speak the last time we got into a fight, I thought I would let you know I was pissed because your friend annoys the shit out of me.
She still does and it probably won't change. For now, I'm tolerating it.

I don't want to fight with you. I have my highs and my lows on this entire situation and you know what? I would have to say I HAVE grown up. I have a job. I'm getting my license and I actually have the guts to face reality because right now, I'm stuck with it.
I wish I could return to my fantasy world where everything just seemed peachy. I could listen to music, hang out with my friends, do whatever I want and now I can't.
My dad's holding me back, and my mom wants me to take on the responsibilty of taking care of everyone and everything because at the moment, she can't.

Just to let you know, yeah, I do want to stay friends... but I would figure that YOU of all people, would have figured out that half the shit that comes out of Jenny's mouth is a fucking lie.
You remember that thing with Em and AJ? Yeah. Its the same thing. Only this time, it's with you.
To be honest with you, I'm giving Jenny a hard time because she's my sister. I'm also giving it to her because she's been nothing but a selfish brat since my dad had his accident. She got a fucking rat, she got her nose pierced, and now she's allowed to smoke in the house.
Not only that, half the time, when she's hanging out with you I wish it was me instead.
All I've done since this has happened is lock myself inside. Allisan and Heather ignore my every move, and now you are too. Actually, I think its the other way around. You ignore me. They tried and now they ignore me too.
I've been bothered since a few months before summer, but I haven't said anything. I'm not going to because I don't want to escalate anything further... then again, it'll probably just dig a deeper hole.

I don't really understand why you think I don't want to be your friend when I have been trying for the past few months to get us to hang out, trying to be quiet, not letting things bother me.
I don't understand why you feel like I don't want you in my life because I've tried. I really have.
Everytime I've asked you to  hang out or come do something with me, I get the same answer.
"I don't know if I can"
"I forgot to ask"
"I'm going to be at my dad's house and he said no"

Tell me how that's my fault? I would really love to know...

Right now, you're just confusing the hell out of me. And right now, I'm getting really close to my breaking point.

Halloween

So I think I have never heard the phrase "Herp derp" so many times in my life.
I don't think I ever want to hear it again
That, along with like... fifty other things...
I need to be more conscience of who I see and hang out with e_e

Anyway, so basically my costume turned into like... some... burn victim... thing...

It was cool. I got alot of compliments C:
But my favorite was more of a statement of disgust.
Before I could even say "trick or treat" this chick was like
"OH MY GOD THATS SO GROSS... OH THATS JUST NASTY. UUUHG ITS SO UGLY"
and I just stood there awkwardly as she gave me candy.
Yeeeah.. I laughed. xD

Afterward I pigged out on deep fried food.
It was great... and watched South Park...
Then I went home nad did laundry.

AWESOME notreally.
And now I feel sick from the sugar, lack of... well, real food... and other things.
Basically because right now I feel like crying.
Jesus fuck.