I feel useless. I have to go to work in fifteen minutes and even though I can usually prove myself there it doesn’t help much at all.
I liked feeling like I actually served a purpose in someone’s life, and that maybe I at least made them a little bit happy. These past few days, I know for a fact I’ve just been making everyone’s lives a living hell. I’m a jealous fuck, and I really wish I wasn’t. I feel like I try to control people, especially those that I care about the most. I like maintaining a certain regularity but the good majority of people I do talk to like to break it every once in a while. It really freaks me out. It makes me think I’m not interesting anymore, or that they no longer need me.
Right now, its more so the second than the first. It seems like eventually all my friends find someone who makes them happy, and then I am no longer needed. I was just something to give them some temporary high or something. I don’t know because I don’t know how they feel.
I just know how I feel, and that is completely worthless. It seems like everyone I know has some weird conditional love for me, where they only care when they don’t have someone else to infatuate themselves with. Its happened two or three times before with the spread of two friends and I feel like its happening again.
I don’t want to lose my friends, at least not this soon. I want them to be happy, but in order for them to be happy, it kind of seems like they need to stay away from me, and that really hurts.
I want to at least make one person in my life happy for an extended period of time, and I want them to make me happy too. I thought I found something at least close to that, but recently I’m starting to wonder.
Everything just hurts and I just want everything to be okay again. I thought this was just PMS but its turning out to be a lot more and I’m beginning to recognize the fact that all my insecurities are coming true.
I liked feeling like I actually served a purpose in someone’s life, and that maybe I at least made them a little bit happy. These past few days, I know for a fact I’ve just been making everyone’s lives a living hell. I’m a jealous fuck, and I really wish I wasn’t. I feel like I try to control people, especially those that I care about the most. I like maintaining a certain regularity but the good majority of people I do talk to like to break it every once in a while. It really freaks me out. It makes me think I’m not interesting anymore, or that they no longer need me.
Right now, its more so the second than the first. It seems like eventually all my friends find someone who makes them happy, and then I am no longer needed. I was just something to give them some temporary high or something. I don’t know because I don’t know how they feel.
I just know how I feel, and that is completely worthless. It seems like everyone I know has some weird conditional love for me, where they only care when they don’t have someone else to infatuate themselves with. Its happened two or three times before with the spread of two friends and I feel like its happening again.
I don’t want to lose my friends, at least not this soon. I want them to be happy, but in order for them to be happy, it kind of seems like they need to stay away from me, and that really hurts.
I want to at least make one person in my life happy for an extended period of time, and I want them to make me happy too. I thought I found something at least close to that, but recently I’m starting to wonder.
Everything just hurts and I just want everything to be okay again. I thought this was just PMS but its turning out to be a lot more and I’m beginning to recognize the fact that all my insecurities are coming true.
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