Again

Yeah, so I tell people I don't like him.
End of the world, right?
Thats about it.
They ask why, I tell them.
There isn't anything wrong with that.
I've done everything I can to try and ignore the things that bother me.
For the past few months, I've been able to do that.
Jenny does it to piss me off.
Laren and I talk about you, but she makes the jokes when I try to be serious.
I need an outlet too.
Laren doesn't like him.
I don't like him.
What her and I say to each other has nothing to do with Jenny.
Last time I checked, I've said that to two people recently.
Terri and Rachel.
They like him, so what? I told Terri I couldn't talk to her about why and I told Rachel I didn't like him because of what has happened.
That was all.
And yes, I am at my breaking point.
You didn't make your point clear. You didn't listen to what I had to say.
You told me you were sick of me and I hope you're aware of how much that hurts coming from someone who's supposed to be your best friend.

You have changed. And you know what? I can honestly blame myself for that.
I have changed. And I can blame that on as many people as I feel like.
I've become a bitch.
I've been a bitch.
I've become a border line sociopath because I don't want to deal with the type of people I used to. The drama was waaay too much.
I've caused drama, and I admit that. I've been trying to.. fix it isn't the right word. I don't want to do it anymore. I thought that would have been obvious.
I wanted to talk to you about these things, but the longer I wait the better I feel because I think "Well maybe if I don't say anything, we don't have to worry about it anymore."
I guess its my way of running away but I can't really blame myself.

And you sneaking around or however you want to put it...
Sure whatever go hang out with him. I've gotten to the point I really don't care, but it would be nice if I could take more than lunch to talk to you or more than one day out of several months to see you. The last time was Dir En Grey, before that, Despa.
Basically all thats happening is you've hung out with me when other people are around.
So yes, it is confusing.
Because I don't understand how exactly I'm the one who doesn't want you in my life if you can't make one day to stop and say hi or talk to me about something... like... I dunno Oz? To be honest, if you could just do that for once I would be the happiest person alive.

Over the past few months I've done a little introspection and decided half the time I'm making your life a living hell, and I apologize for that.
I wanted to fix things, pretend things don't bother me, and I've gotten to the point that I feel completely numb to the things that used to annoy the shit out of me.
I don't care if you hang out with him
I don't care if you cling to each other all around school while I walk to class alone
I don't care if you talk about him
or love him
or whatever else it is you two do together

I don't care anymore.
I don't think you've been able to... I dunno, pick that up.
If you want to talk about something, then just do it.
If I get mad, thats my own fault. I'll get over it.
If this is how we have to work things out, then fine. We'll do it.
Honestly, I like this because I can get things off my chest but... I don't know.
You said we needed to talk in person. Thats up to you now. I don't care if we do this here or there or anywhere... As long as things are discussed.