e__e

First off, if it doesn't bother them then it really shouldn't bother you. I know thats kind of your personality and I guess friends are supposed to be important to you or something but really. If they don't care, then don't bother. Its a waste of time and energy.

Second, if you're going to say she needs to get over the thing with Austin then try and be put in her shoes. Yeah sure, they dated for a few hours but you have to remember that as soon as he broke up with her, he went and asked her sister out. There is a lot more to it than just "he dated me for a day and then we broke up". If it bothers her, then let it. It doesn't affect you, and it doesn't affect Austin. If you were to tell her to get over it, thats similar to telling me that I need to get over the fact that Drew ended up being a girl. Did I want to believe it? No. Did I know before hand? I had a haunch but like I said, I didn't want to. I was in denial. I liked the feeling of having someone and now I've been without it yet again. It actually broke my trust a lot, and even though I know Kou is who she says she is, the fact I can't tell what she's thinking drives me insane. Does she really  like me like she says she does? Who knows. I don't even know, and if she didn't I wouldn't blame her.

Thirdly, if you don't like Krysta then you don't like Krysta. Am I telling you to get over it? No. If you don't like her then you don't like her. Am I going to stop being friends with you because of it? No. Why? Because you are one of my best friends and I won't let that bother me. She has told me that she likes you and would like to be better friends with you and actually really likes your art style, but you haven't given her much of a chance since shes a "hipster" and because she doesn't like Austin. Not everyone in your life is going to get along. Jake and I didn't. She and Austin don't. Me and Demi don't. etc. but the world keeps turning.  Krysta and I have very similar personalities so its easier for me to deal with than you. We make fun of each other, we make fun of Allisan and Kayley and yes we make fun of people we don't know and don't like. So. What. That's our business. We both say terrible things and not care who hears them. Would it fly in the real world? Chances are, no one would care because they would never see us again.

I apologize. I'm sorry I made fun of them today. I do like metal music but a lot of the behavior that comes with it irritates me, i.e. devil horns in public. I do it too, just in the appropriate setting. Them doing that is similar to me writing "HOMESTUCK" across my forehead. I don't like narrow minded people, especially when it comes to music. I don't like a good majority of these new bands, or old new bands, or whatever. But so what? Thats my opinion. You don't like rap, but I'm not going to force it on you. And you do like some rap. I know for a fact you like Eminem. I think your dislike toward Nicki Minaj is hilarious in a weird slightly ironic sense because you like Lady Gaga and I guess you could say they're similar in their clothing but their music is so so so different. Austin hates dubstep, but I don't see you hounding him down either. You have your opinions. I may not agree with you, and I'm just fucking with you about 80 percent of the time. I go over the top and I think our senses of humor are different so there's a lack of communication. Our music tastes really aren't that different. Like I said, I'm just giving you a hard time and I'm sorry.

I do want to be there for you, but you're a person who is really hard to get to talk. I'm always here for you anyway because guess what? It may not seem like it, but I really do care about you. If I didn't I wouldn't ask if you were okay when you're being weird, and I wouldn't still be your friend. I've been really stressed and angry lately, and I know thats not an excuse, but I am really sorry if I hurt you. I don't want graduation to be the end of our friendship and lately it really has been a fear, among others. Will I see you again? Will I ever see Kayley and Krysta after they go to college? Do I really have any friends at all? Am I turning out to be just one gigantic fuck up? The list goes on.

I do enjoy my time with you, and honestly I wish I could have spent more with you at Acen. I think things happened that way just because of timing. If I had the choice to go back I would have. I want to hang out with you more but I feel like I have to beg you to get you to. Sunday ended up being one of the worse days of my life because I felt so undesirable I can't even put it into words. Every time someone cancels plans with me or ignores my text, all those feelings come flooding back. I'm extremely paranoid about what people think about me, and the fact I'm so narcissistic sickens me to no end.

Once again, I'm not going to lose you over this. I'm sorry I made fun of your friends, and apparently by extension, you.